Letter to Santa

As everyone knows shopping for Christmas kicks off the day after Thanksgiving. So I thought it would be appropriate if I sent Santa my requests early. 

Dear Santa,

My request for 2013 is for
A fat bank account & a thin body.

Please don't mix these up like you did last year.

Thanks so much! 



Until next time

Quote for Today
 
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas.  ~Robert Kirby

All I Need To Know...

" Grady"

Thought this was funny and accurate. It seems someone captured my herd's wisdom perfectly!

All I need to know in life I leaned from my horses - Vol. 1

1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues; they're just another prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can trot.
8. Never trot when you can walk.
9. And never walk when you can stand still.
10. Heaven is eating at least 10 hours a day...and then sleeping the rest.

All I need to know in life I learned from my horses - Vol. 2

1. Eat plenty of roughage.
2. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere in life. Big, brown eyes help too.
3. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
4. In times of crises, take a poop.
5. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
6. Follow the herd, that way you can't be singled out to take the blame.
7. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
8. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.
9. Leather and chains can make anyone look studly.
10. Happiness is a warm, fuzzy blanket and someone to share it with.

Until next time

Quote for Today

When in doubt, ask a horse.

Old Lady Fun

I recently received this in an e-mail and thought it was cute. Hope you enjoy it.


GREEN-BAG

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day or didn't call it "green."

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then; we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then; we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart-ass young person.

 Remember: Don't make old people mad!

 We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

Until next time

Quote for Today

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. -Mark Twain-

                                                      

Smart Ass

 The above picture is one of my favorites and I've used it before but it seemed appropriate for this post so I've recycled it again. 

Some of my blogosphere friends are dieting and exercising along with myself after the deliciousness that was the holidays. I was glad to see it wasn't only my jeans that were a little snug after indulging in the "temptations of the desserts". 

Lady's; This one is for you !!  I.Q. test for women.

Men; Just don't say anything. You will live longer.

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and

Wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out

To the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured,

Educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,

Good grief, look how smart I am!

Must be where the term 'Smart Ass' came from!

Until next time

Quote for Today

Bread may feed my body, but my horse feeds my soul.

Another Day at the Barn

Another Day at the Barn

The day of the snowstorm our barn worker couldn’t make it to muck so my daughter did it herself.  Other than finding out just how much stuff this guy doesn’t do (that he’s supposed to on a daily basis) mucking out for her is no big deal, because she used to do this for a living. Until she got a real job, as my husband says. Well the barn took a few more hours than usual to get back to acceptable conditions and I’m sure she was very ticked off by the time she finished. 

We have a few water buckets for some of the horses that don’t have automatic waterers.  Unfortunately, our worker hasn’t been scrubbing them out properly either.  So in the course of scrubbing and dumping out the dirty brown water my daughter had an incident.  On her way to dump a large bucket, she hit a patch of ice outside the barn doors and wound up slipping onto her butt. As if that wasn't bad enough, in mid-air, as her arms were flailing trying to catch her balance, she managed to throw the dirty brown water right in her own face, soaking her clothes and herself with brown slime.  And, as she lay on the ground, the bucket landed on her head.  By this time she wasn’t wearing a coat because barn work makes you warm and she had taken it off, so it was a thorough soaking. 

I’ve asked her repeatedly if I could please put up a barn cam so as not to miss any of these mishaps she has on a regular basis. The truth is I’m glad she wasn’t hurt but I do hate to miss a good fall.

Until next time

Quote for Today

A home is not a home without a ‘Horse’

Horse People Are Funny

'Nate' 

Horse People Are Funny

In my opinion, horse people are some of the funniest people and have the best sense of humor. I don’t know if the perspective provided by being with horses somehow makes us witty or amusing, or if we’re just inherently born with an ability to find humor in the oddest of places right from the beginning.  Over the years, I’ve been privy to some of the funniest stories and experiences that have left me gasping for air. It seems that un-horsey people just don’t have as much fun as we do.  Don’t you agree? How many people can actually laugh about having a horse stand on your foot - and then when it turns Technicolor find that comical? Or, find the absurdity of cleaning out a sheath and doing a “jelly bean” counter commentary while you’re up past your wrist in unmentionable places…

There’s always a story that begins with: “remember the time when…” and then the most hilarious tale comes spilling out about some mishap involving a horse or riding.  Even if the anecdote isn’t all that funny or embarrassing, it’s in the telling.  Horse people just have a droll manner of relaying an equine episode. I’m sure there must be a favorite story that has happened to you and your horse. One of those times when you looked around after doing something really stupid to make sure no one actually saw that particular catastrophe (of course, you probably couldn’t wait to get back in the barn and tell someone about it, though!)  Or perhaps it was something so out of your control that it led to a “whew, glad I made it through that alive!”  I would love to hear your tale and I’m sure everyone else would too.  At this time of year when the winter seems to be dragging on and on and we’re all looking forward to Spring, I think if we all shared our most embarrassing or humorous stories on our blogs, at least we could roam around the blogosphere and get a chuckle or two to brighten up the days. To get it started here are a few amusing moments or blasts from the past that I find memorable:

Some Amusing Falls

--Here’s one that stands out in my mind. My eldest daughter was in a lesson when the horse stopped dead in front of a jump. She gracefully somersaulted over his head, landed on the other side of the jump and stuck the landing; still holding the reins and facing the horse, she took a bow and said “Tah, Dah.”

--One of our trainer's daughters was a bit of a know-it-all, and was showing off one day when she was unceremoniously deposited in a manure puddle face first. Should I have laughed…..probably not?  But even her own mother did, and turned to us to ask with a mischievous chuckle, “do you suppose she’s swimming, or drowning?”

--Then there was the time my daughter was too lazy to walk her horse in from the back paddock. The setup: one very hot day, slick wet grass, riding bareback on Mellon, of all horses, with halter and rope. The deed: Riding at a leisurely walk towards the gate, all the other horses think it’s time to come in and start galloping towards the gate; he decides to join the herd. You know how when you’re riding bareback and you feel yourself slipping you instinctively grip extra hard with your legs?  Well, when you do that on Mellon he starts bucking like a madman.  In a flash, she is flying through the air faster than a speeding bullet, just like superman, landing and sliding tummy first on the wet grass, hands splayed in front of her. Really, she just needed the cape. He launched her so far, she made it to the gate before he did.  Naturally, the construction crew working on the barn really appreciated this to break up their day.

--Although it wasn’t laughable at the time, I can appreciate the humor of it now. During a jumping lesson my horse Erik pulled out of a jump and stopped for a split second.  I sat back to regroup when, from almost a standstill, we then sailed brilliantly over the 4ft. standard beside the jump.  I slid off his back to land on mine. My helmet took the impact to my head before ricocheting across the arena. The truth is I never wore a helmet with a harness for vanities sake; the look just didn’t do it for me. Since that day, I have always worn a helmet with a harness.

--One more, uh, incident:  the time Dusty cantered off as I was mounting; of course, I landed in the dirt. When my head hit the frozen ground, I bit down hard on my tongue.  While I was still lying there in agony, she came over and stomped on my foot. Nice mare.  I thought she was trying to help me get up, sort of like stepping on the tines of a rake or one of those punching dolls.. With my swollen tongue and throbbing foot, it was not my best day. With the limp and the lisp everyone probably thought, “poor thing, she must have had a mild stroke.”
 
--Then there was the time my daughter was riding along a wooded trail; to the right of the path was a fallen tree, with the branches at the top of the tree pointing toward them as they approached.  Just as they were passing, her horse (in this case, Mellon again) spooked sideways into the tree.  She was caught in the fork of a branch just below the waist and was lifted off the back of her horse and hung suspended in the tree as the horse continued along the path; she flailed around a bit and then promptly fell out of the tree. To this day she does not count it as a fall as, technically, she fell out of a tree. Luckily, her horse eventually stopped and just stood there eyeing her with a mix of confusion and horror, especially when she climbed back onto the tree to use it as a mounting block. Her riding companion could certainly have helped, but unfortunately, she was laughing so hard she could barely stay on her own horse, so aiding my daughter was impossible.
 
--A friend of mine once used the “grab mane” technique in the most unusual way, but it kept her from hitting the ground. Jan had lost her balance and was hanging off the side of her horse. What did she do, you ask?  She grabbed mane - with her teeth - and pulled herself back up into the saddle. This may be the single most inventive way of grabbing mane, but it worked.  At times, you have to do whatever it takes to save yourself.
 
--I took great care in tacking up for my lesson: saddle in correct spot?  Check.  Clean pads? Check.  Clean horse?  Check.  Bridle on?  Check.  Standing on the mounting block, about to put my foot in the stirrup, Lifeguard put his head down to scratch his nose and the bridle fell right off of his head, reins still hanging around his neck.  That horse could give you a look, and this time it was priceless, almost as if to say, “You know that was really stupid of you not to buckle the throatlatch!”  Anyone who thinks a horse can’t be sarcastic never met Lifeguard.

Of course, there are many more stories, but I thought this was a decent start to some funny anecdotes. If you’re interested in sharing why don’t you put up your most amusing anecdote on your blog or comment here?  I hope lots of you decide this would be a fun way to become more acquainted with each other.  The sharing of good and bad times always seems to bring people together.  Looking forward to your stories.

Until next time

Quote for Today

There are only two emotions that belong in the saddle; one is a sense of humour and the other is patience.

A Christmas Wish List From Our Herd

A Christmas Wish List From Our Herd

During the morning feeding ritual I found this tacked to the wall with a horseshoe nail. This 'Christmas List' was scribbled to Santa with each horse’s wish for this year’s goodies:

 Sami

Dear Santa,

Please, please, please bring me some nunchucks and a cool Karate DVD. I need them so I can hone my fighting skills and one day become the rightful herd leader. I’d be really good at it and Mellon is getting too old to tell me what to do anyway. Maybe then I’d get some respect and Blue would stop daring me to stick my tongue to the frozen hay rack... that hurts and everyone laughed at me! But I had to do it, just to show them I was tough!

Blue

Santa,

Listen, here’s what I want for Christmas: I want a boombox and a black leather blanket. I’m too cool for the rest of these nerds and it’s about time everyone else knew it too. I wouldn’t mind a TV for my stall, either. It gets boring being stuck inside on icy days. Oooh, and a Tempurpedic mattress – I like to sleep a lot, you know...

 Mellon

Dear Santa,

I am going to need an advanced chemistry set and a computer with an internet connection. I can’t say why, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with taking over the world from my stall.

 Donnie

 Dear Santa Claus,

I was watching my favorite movie, “The Wizard of Oz,” and I thought it might be nice to get a heart just like the Cowardly Lion for Christmas. Not that I’m cowardly, I’m just... cautious :-\ But I’d like the nerve to be ridden so I can get out and do all the fun stuff I used to do before. I used to trail ride and jump and hack in the field with other horses, and I miss all of that. I’m happy just lunging now, but I’d really, really like to not be afraid of my girth and saddle and my people sitting on my back. I know that’s a lot to ask, so if you can’t do that, maybe you could help me with something else? I’m already a little thin on top, and I lost a lot of forelock due to burrs this season... I’d like a forelock toupee so I can really impress the ladies – they don’t call me “Don Juan” for nothing!

 Nate

 Hey Man,

First on my list has to be Stud Muffins! They’re my favorite, but since I can’t be ridden much these days, I hardly ever get them anymore :-( I’d also like a helmet, full body armor like the knights’ horses used to wear, and maybe some bubble wrap. I’ve been such a klutz lately and I’m getting tired of getting hurt! And how about a sleep machine with soothing ocean sounds so I don’t have to listen to everyone else in the barn snoring and I can finally get some rest at night?

Dusty

Hello Santa,

For Christmas I only want everything I’m entitled to as is befitting my status as Queen of the Realm, uh I mean herd. It’s a short list but I need every item listed as follows:

Personal masseuse
Hot tub in the wash stall
Personal hair stylist/groomer

Lighted mirror in my stall

Remote control door opener/closer

My own personal suite of stalls complete with TV, refreshment bar, snack refrigerator (stocked with goodies), velvet drapes, new stall mattress and a framed oil painting of myself

Different mane and tail extensions for different looks …7 should do it, one for each day of the week

An assortment of blankets and coolers - my preference for this time of year is fur preferably mink

New saddle and bridle with a bling browband (preferably rubies - it’s my birthstone, after all

Finally, I could use a little glitter hoof polish. I’m running low

It may seem like a lot but after all, I’m worth it, don’t you think! *Wink, wink big tail swish*

 O’Grady

Dear Sir,

For Christmas this year I would like lots of treats. It doesn’t matter what kind, I'm not particular. I’ve never had a lot of treats because I was a show horse, but now that I’m just sort of hanging around and hacking out, I don't see how a few treats could hurt this year. I could also use a new halter, since the other horses keep removing mine and hiding it. But nothing fancy, mind you, just something strong and understated... like me! Since I’m an Irish hunter, how about importing some Irish clover seeds to plant this year in the paddock. I do so miss the green grass of home. If you can't manage that, I'd be happy with just a picture for my stall of rolling green hills. First Florida, and now here with all this white on the ground... it is making me sad. Come to think of it, a pint of Guinness wouldn’t hurt either.

Thank you,
O’Grady

 Sweetie

Dear Santa Claus,

Being the eldest lady in the barn, I’ve seen quite a few things in my lifetime and what these youngsters don’t realize is how bad it can be for a horse out there. I don’t have a single thing to ask for this year. I already have more than I could have hoped for. A few years ago, I never even imagined I’d still be around to see another Christmas! I’ve got everything I need, and I wouldn’t dream of asking for more.
But, Santa, we both know there are a lot of horses out there who haven’t been as lucky. So if I can ask you for anything this year, it’s that you take care of them. There is a stack of our old blankets in the shed, and it would be my Christmas wish to see them go to a rescue where less-fortunate horses might enjoy them. As you can see, we have all we need here.

Merry Christmas to you Santa and all your lovely reindeer.

Friday's Funnies

 A Touching Christmas Tale

(Caution: may be offensive to some)

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Until next time

Quote for Today 
 My other car is a horse.

I Won A Contest

I Won A Contest!

I’d like to thank Callie from Midwest Horse blog for the lovely gifts she sent me. Callie ran a contest to see who could identify the man in the ‘backless’ chaps. Color me surprised and a little red – faced for guessing right. It was her farrier of all people. Truthfully, I would never have gotten it right had it not been for the excellent clues she offered. In any case, the prize is a wonderful assortment of things any horse person would love and the horses are enjoying their peppermint treats as well.

If you get the chance to visit Callie you’ll find her blog interesting and fun, just like she is. Her mares Misty and Kola are just too adorable for words as are all her other critters. Thanks again Callie I just love my basket of goodies.

Until next time

Quote for Today

Cowgirl: A better-looking cowboy with brains!

Sweetie's Revenge

Sweetie’s Revenge

An Amusing Anecdote

Last week I was outside doing a chore around the barn when I noticed Blue was harassing Sweetie. She was able to get away from him as he snaked his neck towards her with his ears flat back and chased her around the paddock. Sweetie doesn’t get around too well because of her age and arthritic legs, but she was holding her own. Nevertheless, my feeling was that she needed to be rescued from Blue the Bully.

When I opened the paddock gate, she trotted over and exited quickly. Sweetie needs no lead rope because she is so intelligent that she knew the routine after being with us for only a week after we brought her home. Once she exits the paddock, she walks into the barn and her own stall every time. We’ve had her for a little over a year now and she is doing much better than when we rescued her. Back to this amusing little story....

Sweetie made her escape, stopped outside the fence and looked meaningfully at Blue. Then she proceeded to march to the barn swinging her haunches and swishing her tail. She stopped at the barn doors for a second and glanced over her shoulder at Blue one more time. Sweetie was on a mission pure and simple. Once in the barn she sashayed directly into Blue’s stall, and let the water-works fly. When she was done she walked over to the window and looked out at Blue again, I swear she had a smirk on her muzzle. Then she walked into her stall and told me, “I’m done for the day; you can get my hay now!”

You have to love a horse like this.

Until next time

Quote for Today
Be wary of the horse with a sense of humor.
- Pam Brown

The Day After

The Day After 

It’s the day after Thanksgiving the rain has stopped and I decided to take a walk around the farm to counteract some of yesterday’s feast. Grabbing my camera on the way out in case a picture worth taking caught my eye I stepped out into the gray day.  Moments later seeing a good shot I walked down a slope and this is what I got…

Yes, we have had a lot of rain lately and the mud was deeper than I thought. After losing my sneakers to this mud pit, I had a choice of walking back to the barn barefoot or slipping them back on. I dug them out and I burrowed my feet into the slimy depths and sloshed all the way back to the barn. On the way back I was lucky enough to have a bunch of leaves stick to them, the latest fashion statement in barn wear I'm sure. Back at the barn I rinsed them off in the wash stall and barefooted it to the house. So much for a nice walk, the day after.

Until next time

Friday's Funnies

Friday's Funnies

How Pumpkin Pies Are 'Really' Made

Have a great weekend!

Until next time

Quote for Today

The grass is always greener on the other side, until a horse comes and poops on it.

Challenge - Day 5

Challenge - Day 5

' Come On In '

 

' Grady Looking Tired'

' What now? You already rode me today!

'Mellon & Blue '

' Future Dressage Ring Site'

' Donnie Just Hanging Out '

' Sweetie, On the Move '

' Murphy '

' Good Night'

Until next time

Quote for Today
A home is not a home without a horse!

Friday's Funnies

Friday’s Funnies

Meet my new doctor!  Once again, I had been agonizing over which diet to choose to lose a few pounds. Finding the healthiest and best diet is a hard decision to make and stick with.  During my research, I happened upon this doctor and his diet and after much careful consideration; I have decided this is the way to go.  Read through it carefully this doctor has it all together and I can’t see why it wouldn’t work … can you?

I love this Doctor!

  
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should? NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOOHOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Until next time

Quote for Today

One reason why birds and horses are happy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.
    - Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends and Influence People

Creative Dismounts

Creative Dismounts

Jane’s blog The Literary Horse is now doing a series titled Creative Dismounts. If you haven’t already submitted your most memorable creative dismount I would urge you to head on over and check it out. I’m sure you will find some of the entries amusing to say the least. It’s all in good fun and it’s also a good feeling that you’re not the only one who’s done some foolish things when it comes to riding!

Below is my submission to the Literary Horse creative dismount series about my most memorable dismount:

This may not be the most entertaining one you may receive but even though I’ve had some interesting dismounts, the following one is probably the one where I hoped no one was actually watching - because if I had been watching I would have been doubled over in laughter.

The day before I was to take Erik, my 17.2 hand Dutch Warmblood, to one of our first shows, a schooling lesson was in order to fine-tune him and me. The outside arena was visibly under slushy mud conditions with puddles galore from previous rainstorms. Are you starting to get the picture yet?

We were cantering to the wishing well jump (wishing wells on either side with a gate in the center). Perfect stride…perfect distance…in two point ready to take the jump…horse puts in an extra half step…whoops, that didn’t work!

I went over his head…over the jump…he followed…missed me…whew….thank god I’ve still got the reins in my hand…wonder how that happened. NO! Erik…stop! You’re done. Good boy…stoooooppp!

So yes, in fact I found myself dragged through the mud on my stomach…mud encrusted way down inside my full-length chaps, my unmentionables, an let’s just say I had mud in places that had never seen a mud pack previously, and leave it at that.

I looked like a marsh monster reemerging from the swamp.

At least as I slithered through the mud, head held high, I wasn’t the recipient of a muck and mire facial. Finally, the brilliant idea of ‘gee why don’t you let go of the reins, moron’, ricocheted around inside my brain like a pinball machine until it hit TILT, and I let go of my iron grip on the reins. There I was in all my glory: mud from neck to toe, but I had managed to hold my head up the whole time I was towed along behind my horse.

So proud of myself for that one. It was the least I could do to save face, literally.

Not a comfy ride home as I recall, either. Kind of squishy.

Until next time

Quote for Today

To ride is to take occasional trips into the dirt...